Planning a Wedding

Step 11: Flowers

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Flowers are not only a visual pleasure but a symbol of new love and a new life. Flowers may be used in nearly every aspect of the wedding including decorating rows of seating, topping the wedding cake, in the hands of attendants, given to parents, centerpieces, wrapped around candles, main entryways, or even on serving platters. You can choose flowers depending on their symbolic meaning, seasonal freshness, color, size, fragrance, or pleasure.

Before you meet with a florist, gather ideas of flowers from bridal magazines, interior design books, flower shows, floral websites, or gardens. You may also want to consider the formality of the wedding, the season and the colors the bridal party will be wearing when choosing flowers. You also need to think about ribbons, greens, candles, vases, pots, or containers you may need to hold the flowers. You may want to use the following checklist to make sure you have all the flowers you need.

The Bride and Her Attendants

Bride's Bouquet, Maid of Honor, Bridesmaids, Flower Girl, Tossing Bouquet, Floral Hair Decorations

The Groom and His Attendants

Groom's Boutonniere, Best Man, Ushers, Ring Bearer

Family Flowers

Parents of the Bride, Parents of the Groom, Grandmothers and Grandfathers, other special guests

For the Ceremony

Entranceway, Altar, Pews, Candles, Aisle Runner

For the Reception

Centerpieces, Buffet Tables, Cake-Topper, Cake Table, Stairways, Place Card Table, Garnish, Rest Rooms, Flower Petals for Tossing

A special way to personalize flowers is to select chocies based on your birth month.
January - carnation
February - violet
March - jonquil
April - sweet pea
May -lily of the valley
June -rose
July -larkspur
August -gladiolus
September -aster
October -calendula
November -chrysanthemum
December -narcissus

Using seasonal flowers is a good way to cut on costs because they will be easily available. You can also use the do-it-yourself method by tying flowers together with ribbons or wire. You can also save by having a friend pick up the flowers instead of having them delivered. You can also use your ceremony decorations for the reception decorations but they will also have to be transported. If you have a ceremony around a holiday, it may already be decorated with flowers. You can also have attenadants carry a single flower trailed by a long ribbon.

When meeting florists, ask to see the florist's album or portfolo of previous wedding for which they provided flowers, ask for references, inquire about wedding packages, and ask for guarantees. You should also do site checks and find out about access for decorating and what is permitted.

Step 10: Expenses

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It is hard to avoid the topic of expenses when it comes to a wedding. The average wedding cost in the US is close to $19,000. Some questions to consider:

Who Pays?! Traditionally the bride's family assumes most wedding costs. It is common today for both families to share in the expenses or for the bride and groom to pay for a majority of the expenses themselves, especially if they are older.

Traditionally the bride's family is responsible for:

services of bridal consultant
invitations, enclosures, announcements
wedding gown & accessories
floral decorations for ceremony, reception, bridesmaids' flowers and bride's bouquet
formal photography
videotape recording
music for ceremony & reception
transportation of bridal party to & from ceremony & reception
all reception expenses

Traditionally the groom's family is responsible for:

groom's attire
ties/gloves for groom's attendants
boutonnieres for groomsmen
corsages for immediate family members
officiant fee
marriage license
transportation for groom & groomsmen to & from ceremony & reception
honeymoon expenses
rehearsal dinner

Bridesmaids and groomsmen are responsible for their own attire and accessories.

If expenses seem to be overwhelming, here are some secrets to saving:

cut the guest list
choose a smaller reception site
choose a different time of day/day of week
let friends help - their service can be a wedding gift
let attendants stay with family/friends instead of hotels
shop for your wedding dress from a wholesale store
make your own gown or wear less traditional attire like a white suit
forgo the formal rehearsal dinner or formal reception
provide disposable camera's during the reception instead of hiring a reception photographer
use loose bouquets of flowers from a local garden or silk flowers instead of expensive bouquets
shop around and compare prices

Check out these helpful sites: Cost Cutting, Wedding Coupons, Saving Money

Step 9: Selecting Speakers

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During some ceremonies, particularly in the Catholic church, you have the option of choosing people to read scriptures, and present the gifts. You need to consider these jobs in advance so you can select the readings and give the readers a copy to rehearse. This would be a good job for a godparent, parent, or close friend. Check out some readings here. You can also have several people bring up the gifts during the mass, if you choose to have a mass. Along with these jobs, you also need people who will hand out pamphlets, rice or bubbles and prepare the ceremony location in advance. For example, someone may need to drive up early and set up signs pointing your guests in the right direction. Setup may also require decorations at the end of the rows, special flower arrangements, candles, or other extras. Make sure you assign the decorating jobs to people who will not be included in the pictures.

Ceremonial music can add the power of emotion to your wedding. If marrying in a house of worship, check for musical restrictions. It is also a good idea to use the house's organist and singers. You should meet with the musical director and go through music arrangements. You should select:

THE PRELUDE- joyful, before the ceremony begins (Air-Handel, Rondo-Mozart)
THE PROCESSIONAL- begins as the bride and her attendants are ready to walk. Should be joyous and formal. Sometimes the bride can use a separate piece for her entrance. (Wedding March-Guilmant, Canon in D Major-Pachelbel)
THE CEREMONY- can be music interludes or hymns, vocal or instrumental. (Ave Maria-Shubert)
THE RECESSIONAL- most joyous. Upbeat music as you walk out the door. (Ode to Joy-Beethoven, Trumpet Voluntary-Clarke)

To find local live music in your area I suggest using the "local" button in Google and searching for wedding music or wedding quartets. Make sure you listen to musical samples before you commit yourself to a piece. You may also want to check out the music departments of local colleges because they will be less expensive. Also look into sound limitations and the types of music that will work best in the space. Make arrangements so the musicians have time to practice.

Step 8: Odds & Ends

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Responding to comments from the last post, this site tells you which states require Blood Tests and why.

As the days get closer to your wedding, it's time for the groomsmen and the groom to pick out their tuxedos. Most grooms & groomsmen rent their tux's and these stores are a dime a dozen. Check out if they have wedding specials because many do. After Hours Formal Wear has tuxedo's starting at $49.99. It's also nice when the neck pieces, cummerbun, or vest matches the color of the bridesmaid dresses. Tuxedo's, like wedding dresses, come in all different styles and in different name brands. While you are there, you want to make sure everyone has the right shoes, socks, and belt. This site also has great information for grooms about what they should know about style & etiquette, measurements, checklists, and tips.

You also want to discuss living arrangements. You certainly don't want to be living in your parents house after you are married. Many couples live together before they get married but not all. Will you live in an apartment, townhouse, regular house? Will you be relocating because your fiance doesn't live in the same area as you do? If you need to move from your current location, moving can be a strenuous endeavour. Make sure you change your address with the post office if needed.

Make sure you request days off from work. It would be nice to request several days off before the wedding to make sure everything is taken care of and also enough time after the wedding for your honeymoon. Give your employer enough notice so you won't be working the morning of your wedding!

You also want to buy gifts for your bridesmaids/groomsmen and each other! Brides and grooms often buy each other wedding gifts. You may want to buy the parents presents or anyone special who helped in the planning.

Step 7: The Honeymoon

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Honeymoon's can vary dramatically depending on how much time you have to travel and how much money you have to spend. I think it's best to do a lot of research before you choose a destination and have a good idea of what important qualities you want in a honeymoon. Do you want to be wined & dined or left alone to enjoy beautiful scenery? When my sister got married, they chose to stay local and spent a week in the countryside in a rustic cabin. Others may need to consult a travel agent or conduct online searches if they are traveling somewhere far and unknown. Some good sites are honeymoon location.com and the honeymoon.com. Orbitz.com have some good package deals. My favorite wedding site, in case you haven't noticed, The Knot.com has a lot of great honeymoon ideas. You can take a quiz that recommends honeymoon spots depending on your answers. My quiz told me to check out Fiji, Santorini Island in Greece and Montego Bay. They also have featured honeymoon destinations and testimonials from newlyweds. I would also check out This Blog because it will give you a lot of good information about destination weddings and booking a honeymoon. Since I have not had the experience yet, I think it would be good to hear first hand from someone who has just gone through it! The knot also has great information about passports, working with travel agents, honeymoon checklists, travel planning timelines, and what to pack. They suggest six or more months ahead to start trading honeymoon fantasies and start looking for a travel agent.

Recap/Look Ahead

2005-10-17T09:50:00.000+08:00

Hey everybody, I just thought I'd give you an overall idea of how a timeline for planning a wedding might look since I obviously can't cover everything. Hope this helps organize the things we're looked at and the things still to come!

12 months before
Buy a wedding planner or organizer
Talk with your fiancé and all parents about the big picture: budget, stlye, size, dates, sites, and participants
Decide on the ceremony and reception sites, and reserve both
Start shopping for your dress
Choose your attendants
Mail save the date cards
Send your engagement announcement to the newspaper

10 months before
Start looking for a caterer, baker, florist, musicians, photographer, and videographer
Visit your clergymen if you're having a religious ceremony

8 months before
Book your caterer, baker, florist, musicians, photographer, and videographer
Choose and order your dress
Register for presents
Begin the guest list

6 months before
Research the honeymoon
Decide on the menu with your caterer, the bouquets with your florist
Book a calligrapher, limos for the wedding party
Order wedding stationery: invitations, response cards, maps, programs, and thank you notes

4 months before
Book your honeymoon
Finalize the guest list. Give complete names, with addresses and zip codes, to the calligrapher so they can start on the envelopes
Make an appointment for your first dress fitting
Order the wedding rings
Schedule the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner
Visit the formalwear shop if the groom and ushers will be renting their outfits
Book a hotel room for your wedding night

2 months before
Visit your officiant to go over vows, readings, music
If you are getting your makeup professionally done for the wedding, this is a good time for a trial run
Check to see if the state where you're marrying requires blood tests; if so, make an appointment with your doctor
Mail your invitations
Choose gifts for your attendants
Arrange to transport your belongings, if either of you is moving. Send change-of-address information to the post office
Get name-change forms from the department of motor vehicles, Social Security office, credit-card issuers if you're taking your fiancé's name

6 weeks before
Have the final dress fitting
Pick up the rings
Make an appointment with your hairstylist
Get programs printed
Send your announcement to the newspapers

2 weeks before
Get the marriage license
Submit lists of must-take shots to the photographer and videographer, and your playlist to musicians
Arrange the seating plan
Write out table and place cards
Confirm honeymoon reservations
Break in your shoes
Write toasts for the rehearsal dinner and reception

1 week before
Pack for the honeymoon
Give the final guest count to your caterer
Remind all attendants of the rehearsal details
Throw the bridesmaids' party, at which you'll distribute gifts
Pick up your dress a few days before the wedding
Give copies of ceremony readings to those doing them

1 day before
Get your nails done
Hold the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner
Go to bed early and try to get a good night's sleep!

Step 6: Gift Registry

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To go along with sending out invitations, you must tell your guests where they can go to shop for you! Most couples use a wedding registry to register through department stores like Macy's, Strawbridges, Bloomingdale's, and Sear's or stores like Linen's & Things and Bed, Bath & Beyond. Starting a registry is free and you can make an appointment to go into the store and use an electronic bar code reader to select items you wish for. You can select many categories like fine china, glassware, flatware, everyday kitchen supplies, pot & pans, bedding, bath, luggage, cutlery, and appliances. You can register in as many stores as you please but pick stores that your guests will have access to. Once your guest goes into the store, they can easily print the wish list and choose items from the list and once purchased, the list is automatically updated.

Using a registry is a good idea if you are particular about getting duplicates or gifts that do not match. By giving your guests a wish list in advance saves them shopping time and ensures you will get a gift you really want. It is also convenient for families who want to go in on a big gift like luggage which is usually expensive. You will not get all the items on your list but it is a good start to decide what kind of things you and your fiance want in your new home. Some brides opt for the most expensive crystal while others are more practical. These are decisions you and your future husband/wife will need to decide.

Some stores like Macy's now lets you create/update your registry online. This registry can also be printed online by your guests.

Step 5: The Guest List

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The guest list is often one of the hardest aspects of a wedding because it can be difficult to please everyone. No matter what, there will always be someone who will have hurt feelings. You have to decide if you want to invite children because they can be overwhelming. Although kids bring a lot of life to a wedding, they may not like the food, act up, run all over, and wish they weren't there at all! Mike and I decided we are not inviting any children under the age of 18 except for the flower girl & ring bearer. I'm sure plenty of people will be annoyed to hear their kids aren't invited but you have to draw the line somewhere.

A tool I found to be most helpful in making a guest list is on TheKnot.com. This tool allows you to enter the names of those you want to invite and their guests, identify if they are the bride or grooms guest, calculate the number of invitations needed and the number of people invited. It also allows you to mark if they are on your "A" or "B" list. There is also a spot for RSVP responses and the names automatically move to a gift list where you type in the gifts you received from each person and can check a box as to whether you sent a thank you note. These same names are also carried into a seating chart.

When making a guest list, I recommend writing everyone and making cuts later. Go through your personal address book and sit down with members of both families so you do not forget to invite anyone. If you need to cut down your list, invite those you know best not necessarily those you are afraid will be mad if you do not invite them. Remember, this is YOUR wedding. You need to pick out invitations and thank you's, address them, and mail them at least 3-4 months in advance so people will have time to make arrangements and mail back their RSVP's. You can not make your final seating chart until you have all RSVP's so put a final date to respond at least a month ahead of the wedding. This will give you time to organize the food and tables.

Step 4: Picking out Dresses

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Once you have selected your bridesmaids and a maid of honor, you can begin to search for bridesmaid dresses. Sometimes it is easier to pick out a dress by yourself instead of trying to get all your bridesmaids in the same place looking for dresses. When everyone has different opinions, it's difficult to appease them all. Keep in mind that everyone is a different height and weight and you should find a dress that will appeal to the different body types. You may also want to pick several different dresses that are similar in style and in the same color. This is a good variation to the usual. You want to take into consideration the season and what colors and fabrics would be most appropriate. If the wedding is more casual, a cocktail type dress would be sufficient but for formal weddings, long dresses are best. You want to start looking for bridesmaid dresses 9-12 months in advance because your bridesmaids will need at least 2 fittings and time to find matching shoes, purses, and jewelry. David's Bridal has dresses for the brides, bridesmaids, and flower girls. Brides.com also carries a wide assortment of dresses. Browse the internet before you go into a boutique so you have an idea what style you are looking for.

Now comes the most exciting part, finding your wedding dress! Sometimes brides wear their mother's wedding dresses but generally they want their own. It is important to find a dress that fits your personality. My mom always says that there is a wedding dress made just for you and you shouldn't stop shopping until you find it. Dresses can be so dramatically different in terms of style, cut, color, length, weight, trains, and veils. I also suggest to browse the internet before you try on dresses so get a better idea of what you're looking for and what price range you're interested in. Some great sites to go to include the following: Vera Wang, Jessica McClintock, Nicole Miller, and the Bridal Store Online. Bring a close family member or friend with you when you shop for your dress to get their opinion. When visiting boutiques, you may need to call ahead and make an appointment. Take into consideration how much you want to spend on your dress because they can run from several hundred dollars to several thousand. I heard a rumor that you can rent Vera Wang dresses but you must get on the waiting list 2 years in advance. If you're in the market for an inexpensive dress, there are always sales at bigger chain stores.

Step 3: Choosing a Reception

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After the ceremony, typically the bridal party takes pictures before the reception. Sometimes there is a long delay between the ceremony and the reception so out of town guests may be inconvenienced. It is easiest for guests if the reception is either immediately or not long after the ceremony. If it is immediately following, a cocktail hour would be appropriate for guests while they wait for you to arrive. You would also want the band or DJ to be ready when the guests arrive.

It is easiest to choose a reception location that is close in distance to where the ceremony is taking place. This is also for the convenience of guests. Ceremonies can be held at a firehall, country club, banquet hall, restaurant, cruise ships like the Spirit of Philadelphia, or at a home. When choosing a reception location, it is important to actually visit the site and check it out for yourself. Make sure they have a reasonable dance floor, plenty of room for tables, clean restrooms, a waiting area for the bridal party, beautiful decor including nice tables and chairs, and most importantly great food. When you visit potential places, stop in early and eat a meal to test their food quality.

You want to make sure that the personnel will be able to accommodate all your needs like pouring champagne, serving dinner, clearing dishes, and serving dessert in a timely manner. Reception halls typically give you the choice of having either a buffet style meal or a sit down meal. The couple can usually choose the entire menu including appetizers, dinner options, and dessert. You also want to consider whether you want to include an open bar or a cash bar.

If a couple chooses to have the reception at home, there may be a lot of renting involved. Typically, you need to rent tables, chairs, linens, and hire a caterer to cook. You may also need to hire a bartender if desirable. Outdoor receptions should include a tent and a dancefloor. Music will be needed and booking a band or DJ is also an option.

Discuss and investigate your reception ideas early and make sure you book them immediately after you reserve a ceremony date. For this reason, I suggest starting early because it can be very time consuming. This LINK will show you reception sites in your area. Most places offer discounts if you your date is either on a Friday or "out of season". It may differ with location but for example, March weddings are typically considered out of season.

Step 2: Booking a Ceremony Location

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It is recommended that couple's should book a ceremony location 1 year to 8 months in advance of the requested wedding date. Dates fill up very quickly and it is very important to meet with the appropriate personnel to discuss dates available and wedding procedures. Couple's may choose among various types of ceremony locations including a planned destination, an outdoor wedding, or in a religious institution. They also must decide on what time of day they prefer if they have the option. Keep in mind that if you schedule a morning wedding, the bridal party and family will need to be up very early to get dressed, hair, makeup, pictures, and flowers arranged. Afternoon weddings in the summer tend to be very hot and the bridal party may be subject to sweating and fainting (I speak from experience).

My fiance and I would not have a problem getting married in a Catholic church because we both are Catholic and have attended Catholic school for 12 years. Not all Catholic churches however allow the same ceremonies. For example, my parish does not allow the bride to proccess in on a runner. Some other parishes do not allow visiting priests to perform the ceremony. Make sure to ask as many questions as possible to make sure there are no restrictions on the ceremony.

If a couple is of differing religions and would like to marry in a religious institution, the couple may need to attend classes or one person may need to convert to the religion of choice. This process may be time consuming so reserving a date in advance allows the couple to accomplish all necessary tasks as determined by the institution.

If the couple knows an officiary personally and wants to request them to perform the wedding, now is the time. It is important to reserve that person so you know they will be available on the reserved date. Now that you have reserved a date, it's time to reserve a reception location!

Step 1: Selecting an Engagement Ring

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It has become a common practice for women to help their fiance's choose an engagement ring. It is a good idea because although you and your fiance may have similar tastes, you will be the one wearing this ring for the remainder of your life so you should ensure you adore it! Some engagement rings however, may be pasted down as a family heirloom, but you can of course consider changing the setting. Some jewelers suggest that settings in yellow gold make the diamond appear larger in size. You may also choose to set a diamond in silver or platinum. It is also important to note that when choosing a setting, more prongs does not necessarily keep the diamond from falling loose. A six prong setting is no more stable than a four prong setting according to diamond specialists. You may consider a solitaire diamond ring, a three stone ring, or even buy a set which includes the engagement ring and the wedding band. Shop around when choosing a diamond and ask lots of questions. Department stores like Macy's have many sales during the year and sell competitive jewelry, whereas a family owned jewelry store may have higher prices or smaller selections.

When choosing a diamond, keep in mind the four C's:

Clarity- determines how brilliant or dull the diamond is. There are 13 different symbols to denote clarity. An F means the diamond is flawless whereas a B means the diamond has obvious flaws.
Carat Weight- measures the weight of the diamond. The larger the diamond the more valuable.
Cut-the shape of the diamond and its different angles. This determines how well the diamond will reflect light. The goal is to get a "fine cut" where no light is lost.
Color-diamonds can be without color or tinted yellow. Color is determined by a scale of D-Z where D is completely clear.

Many jewelers allow their customers to customize their engagement rings. Below you will find a list of several diamond stores for you to browse.